1 Discuss the relationships between Nath, Lydia, and Hannah. How do the siblings both understand and mystify one another?
2. Why do you think Lydia is the favorite child of James and Marilyn? How does this pressure affect Lydia, and what kind of impact do you think it has on Nath and Hannah?
3. Do you think it is more difficult for Lydia to be the favorite, or for Nath and Hannah, who are often overlooked by their parents?
4. Why does James give Lydia self-help books about making friends and getting people to like you for Christmas?
5. What does Lydia do to stop Nath from going to Harvard? Why? Do you know anyone who would do the same to his or her sibling?
6. Discuss the relationship Marilyn and her mother have to cook and their roles as stay-at-home mothers. Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
7. What is the meaning of the novel’s title? To whom do the “I” and “you” refer?
8. What do you think of Jack and Louise’s affair? Why does Marilyn go to Louisa's apartment to find James instead of calling like she initially planned on doing?
9. Why does Jack reject Lydia's advances?
10. What would have happened if Lydia had reached the dock? Do you think she would have been able to change her parents’ views and expectations of her?
11. This novel says a great deal about the influence our parents can have on us. Do you think the same issues will affect the next generation of Lees? How did your parents influence your childhood?
12. There’s so much that the characters keep to themselves. What do you wish they had shared with one another? Do you think an ability to better express themselves would have changed the outcome of the book?
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